At Connected Childhood instead of the term school refusal we like to say, children who find it really hard to go to school. Your child isn’t refusing, they are communicating to you that for whatever reason this is really hard.
This is a significant concern affecting children aged 4-12, characterized by a child’s reluctance or some people call it refusal to attend school. This can happen at any age and also in Secondary School but it is most common in children from 5-6 years and 10 – 11 years. Here at Connected Childhood we have worked with children age up to 13 who find it difficult to go to school.
This topic affects not only the child involved but it is also parents, siblings, teachers, other children in the school, so it is important to learn about what might be happening for your child.
Understanding the causes, identifying the signs and knowing how to address this really hard period of time for your child are crucial for parents and educators.
Causes of School Refusal
School refusal can stem from a variety of factors, often interrelated. There is rarely a single cause. By stating at home children can avoid their fears, they can perceive the avoidance as a way of keeping themselves safe.
Some reasons why it may be hard include:
Anxiety: Generalized anxiety, separation anxiety or social anxiety can make the school environment overwhelming for some children.
Family Issues: Changes at home, such as divorce, illness or a new sibling can lead to children struggling to cope with transitions. Also a child might want to keep an eye on what’s going on at home if a parent or pet is ill.
Bullying: Fear of being bullied or experiencing social rejection / exclusion can make children dread going to school.
Academic Pressure: Children who feel overwhelmed by academic expectations or who struggle with learning disabilities may find school difficult.
Health Problems: Chronic illness or conditions that cause physical discomfort can also be a factor.
Signs that your child is finding it hard to go to school
Recognizing the signs early can help reduce the impact. Signs to watch for include:
Is there a battle of wills the night before and the morning of? Are they refusing to prepare for school the night before or the morning of?
Is your child complaining of headaches, tummy aches with no medical reason for them?
Is your child having emotional outbursts, crying, or clinginess when it’s time to go to school?
Are they refusing to move from the house, from the car or from the school yard?
Strategies and tips for parents and educators
Effective strategies to help children who find it really hard to go to school involves a collaborative approach among parents and educators.
Listen, Listen and listen!: Try to see the issue from your child’s point of view. There is a reason this is so hard for them, take their worry seriously and validate their feelings. Really listen to what they have to say, if they cannot express themselves, role play with them.
Work with your child’s school: Your child’s school needs to know that your child is having a hard time, they need to know how they can help your child. Ideally if your child’s school has a consistent, attuned adult available to them to meet them every morning where they establish their own routine and gradually head back into the classroom when your child is ready. Work with teachers to develop a plan that supports the child’s return to school. This might include a modified schedule, additional support in the classroom or interventions to expectations, exclusion or bullying.
Consistency and Routine: Establish a consistent morning routine, ensure your child knows what’s going to happen and what to expect. Together we come up with a parting ritual, that you do together every day, practice this before you use it in the school yard.
Therapeutic Interventions: Therapeutic approaches can help children manage anxiety and develop coping strategies. Here at Connected Childhood we have helped lots of children using play as a therapeutic approach.
By understanding the causes, recognizing the signs and implementing effective parenting strategies and tips, parents and educators can help children overcome school refusal and thrive both socially and academically. Early intervention and ongoing parental support are key to ensuring that children feel safe, supported, and capable of facing the challenges of the school environment.
Please see our Connection in Separation mini master class where to take a deeper dive into this topic. Link here
If your child has ongoing sickness please see your GP to rule out any medical issues.
Prepared to Parent
If you feel you need support on your parenting journey, our Discovery Programme may be what you need. For 6 weeks we will walk alongside you and together we find that ‘missing piece’ for you, that aha moment where you find connection in your role as a parent and then that beautiful new lens through which to see your child. Join our next Discovery programme here.
