Navigating Playdates

“Play dates are wonderful opportunities for your child to interact with another child in a small setting and to engage in confidence building. They can give your child a chance to develop their social skills, build self-esteem, get a picture of how families are alike and different and learn how to welcome others into their home.”

 (Bright horizons)

Playdates can be amazing and they can be terrible. It is important to recognise that every parent has different expectations and boundaries. Some parents love having children over to play with their children and some parents don’t like to have children over on play dates. Each is equally valid.

It is important not to get caught up in the whirlwind of play dates if it is not for you. Look at your own capacity and reason for having or not having play dates, be aware of what is impacting your own thoughts on it and take time to reflect on what is rational and what is more about your own experiences and less about the here and now.

If inviting children over to your house for a play date, these are some top tips:

• Clear defined drop off and collection time – not too long as younger children might get overwhelmed if the playdate runs for too long. 
• Decide whether you are staying or not, this will depend on your child’s needs and how well you know the family and it might help to chat to them about it beforehand.
• Talk to your child about what may happen during the play date, what their expectations are ensure it is within their capacity to share, if not you will need to model this for them.
• This might sound obvious, but if you are not staying, ensure you have the parent / caregivers phone number and that they have yours.
• If a child is visiting your home, check with the parent if there is anything you need to know about their child, allergies, medication , dietary requirements, special instructions etc.
• If there is a toy / teddy or something that is very special for your child and they do not want to share it, put that toy or teddy away during a play date in your home.
• If playdates are new to you and your child, think about having just one or two children at a time as having lots of children together can get very overwhelming for some children. Having just one or two also allows better opportunity for connection. 
• If you are the one having the playdate and you don’t know the other child/children well, there is a need to stay close to the children as they play, within earshot! You may need to guide the children at some point if you see the play escalating into a disagreement.
• Be aware that all children move through the child developmental stages at their own pace, so be conscious not to comment or compare the children.

As wonderful as playdates are, always ensure that they do not take over from essential parent-child quality time. Playing with your child gives you an opportunity to enter into their world, at their pace, observe and support their motor skills development in different areas, practice your own mindful parenting techniques in a playful way, role model conflict resolution, turn taking and enhances healthy parent-child relationships. 

Books you may find useful

The Squirrels who Squabbled  – Rachel Bright

The Invisible String – Patrice Karst

The Kissing Hand – Audrey Penn

We Don’t Eat Our Classmates  – Ryan T Higgins

Good Rosie – Kate Di Camillio

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