Self-Esteem
“The ability to see yourself as a flawed person and still hold yourself in high regard”
Ester Perel.
Building self-esteem in children involves a holistic approach that includes love, support, opportunities for independence and positive reinforcement. By fostering an environment that promotes self-worth and resilience, children can develop into confident and emotionally healthy individuals.
Building self-esteem in children is crucial for their emotional and social development.
Below are some effective parenting strategies and tips that can help foster a positive self-image and confidence in children:
Provide Unconditional Love and Support
Express Love Regularly: Ensure children know they are loved and valued regardless of their achievements. Name the quality you love about them, name their effort, rather than saying “well done”, name the piece that you noticed. Accept and support your children regardless of what they have done.
Spend Quality Time: Engage in activities they enjoy, showing them they are worth your time and attention. Listening intently, listening restores relationship and is a powerful act of love.
When you are busy and not able to spend time with them right one “I would love to play with you but I have to make the dinner and I will play with you when”….or would you like to help me make dinner and after we can play. Ensure you follow through.
Encourage Independence and Responsibility
Allow Choices: Give children opportunities to make decisions appropriate to their age. Power comes with choice, give them a little bit of power if that is what they are seeking.
Assign Responsibilities: Give them tasks and chores appropriate to their developmental age and stage to promote a sense of accomplishment.
Set Realistic Expectations and Goals
Personalised Goals: Help children set and achieve small, attainable goals. The most important word here is attainable. Expectations need to be realistic, their expectations for themselves and yours as a parent.
Provide Constructive Feedback
Focus on Effort, Not Just Results: Praise the effort and process rather than just the outcome.
Positive Reinforcement: Offer specific praise for good behaviour and achievements to reinforce positive actions.
Model Positive Behaviour
Demonstrate self-respect and confidence in your own actions. Let them see you being proud of your achievements, name it if you are proud of something you did. Let them see you being present, kind and gentle to yourself. Show them that you treat yourself with kindness and compassion even when things do not go your way.
Healthy Attitude Towards Failure: Show them that you fail and how you learn from your failures. Show them that you treat yourself with kindness and compassion even when things do not go your way.
Promote Problem-Solving Skills
Encourage Critical Thinking: Play is a wonderful and natural way for children to problem solve, don’t rush in to solve their problems, give them time and space and see how amazing they are at solving their own problems.
Foster a Growth Mindset
Normalise Challenges: Help children understand that struggling with something new is a natural part of the learning process. Growth occurs when we push ourselves out of our comfort zone, not when we stay in it. Modelling this for our children and telling them that sometimes things are hard at first and we push through.
Teach and model Emotional Regulation
Acknowledge Feelings: Validate their emotions and name your own. Tell them how you are feeling, how you know you feel that way and where you feel it in your body. Ask them how are they? How do they know? And where do they feel it in their body?
Encourage Interests and Hobbies
Support Passions: Encourage them to pursue activities and hobbies they are passionate about. Notice what they are good at and encourage them to pursue that.
Be Patient and Consistent
Patience: Understand that building self-esteem is a gradual process and requires time and patience. Some of us are still trying at 50!
Resources
Books for children about building self esteem and reducing anxiety
The Koala who could – Rachel Bright
A bad case of Stripes – David Shannon
My monster and me – Nadiya Hassain
Giraffes can’t dance – Giles Andreae
Hey Awesome – Karen Young
Hey Warrior – Karen young
Prepared to Parent
If you feel you need support on your parenting journey, our Discovery Programme may be what you need. For 6 weeks we will walk alongside you and together we find that ‘missing piece’ for you, that aha moment where you find connection in your role as a parent and then that beautiful new lens through which to see your child. Join our next Discovery programme here.
